You are my weakness
by tinybitofgenius
Summary: This story is told from Tonks' point of view as she falls for the shabby, clever and weary Remus Lupin. Set around the beginning of the Order of the Phoenix. Told from the very beginning as her feelings begin to take over.
1. Chapter 1

**All characters and references belong to J. .**

Tonks apparated quickly outside Grimmauld Place in a flurry of pink hair. She scrunched up her eyes in concentration and she tried to remember the slip of paper with the Order's address on. Her eyes snapped open as number 12 began to appear. She smiled broadly at the house.  
Once inside she was met by a wall of noise. She could hear Mrs Weasley shouting from the kitchen, Mrs Black's shrieking from the hall, Sirius' bellows and Mad Eye Moody's sticking thumping the floor.  
"Hey Tonks!" Said Ginny jumping the last two steps of the stairs.  
"Wotcher Ginny" replied Tonks throwing her coat onto the stand resulting in it swaying dangerously and depositing all the coats onto the floor. Mrs Weasley who had ears of a bloodhound, was alerted to the noise immediately.  
"Ah Tonks", she said, her faces switching from murderous to sympathy as her eyes took in the small hill of coats. "You're just in time the lasagne's just come out of the oven."  
"Thanks Molly", said Tonks weakly as she tried to gather all the coats into her arms.  
"Leave that Tonks, I'll get Fred and George to do it. Come in and have some food", Mrs Weasley bustled forward and almost pushed Tonks forward into the kitchen.  
"Fred! George! Clean up in the hall", she shouted at the ceiling.  
There was a loud POP and the twins apparated into the hall.  
"Cheers Tonks!" She heard George call back, she dropped her eyes sheepishly.  
"You sure you don't want me to go and help them Molly?" She asked.  
"No, no, just come in and eat. Food's ready, they'll be fast enough", said Mrs Weasley.

Tonks entered the kitchen to find lots of people there already. Bill Weasley, Ginny, Ron and Hermione sat at one end. Next to them was Kingsley Shacklebolt, Minerva McGonagall, Arthur Weasley and Mad Eye. Mundungnus Fletcher sat opposite, his chin drooping onto his chest. Elphias Dodge sat next to him, eyeing him nervously. Molly used her wand to send the large tray of lasagne onto the table before she took her seat next to her husband. Tonks sat down clumsily next to Bill. The smell of food sent Fred and George running back into the kitchen to scramble into seats next to Mundungnus.  
As everyone began passing around plates of steaming lasagne, Tonks saw Sirius enter from the shadow of the doorway, he clapped a man on the shoulder. Tonks could just make out the silhouette of Remus Lupin, his shoulder rested against the frame of the door. His eyes looked tired and his threadbare coat seemed to weigh his thin body down. Molly noticed him at the same time she did.  
"Remus, sit down, sit down!" Mrs Wealsey squeezed between people to get to him. She pulled his coat off his shoulders and pushed him into a chair. He looked slightly embarrassed to have been singled out by Mrs Weasley, as she placed a hot plate of food under his nose.  
"Now eat", she said to him.  
He had a bite and smiled at Mrs Weasley, "It's delicious Molly, thank you."  
Everyone around the table echoed his words. Under his coat Remus was wearing a pale grey shirt and brown jumper. His brown hair was streaked with the grey hair of a much older man. He must have felt her gaze because he looked up his brown eyes locked with hers and he gave her a small smile.  
Tonks turned her head quickly to look at Sirius who had taken the seat at the head of the table. He was toying with his lasagne with his head in his hand. Tonks knew he felt useless being unable to leave the house to do work for the Order, but his mood seemed to have darkened more than ever.  
"Cheer up Sirius", said Tonks in an attempt to coax a smile from her cousin, "seems like we're going to rescue Harry any day now."  
Tonks knew that the mention of his god son would lift Sirius' mood. A slow smile spread across his face, "it's about time", he said.  
"You'll have a full 2 weeks with him before term starts again", Tonks heard Lupin's hoarse voice pipe up. It seemed that he had caught on Tonks' effort to cheer Sirius up. She was glad that he had not mentioned Harry's hearing that would be coming up. She looked over and gave him a small smile of thanks. After his full meal he was smiling and seemed a great deal happier.

As they all finished their meal the teenagers were sent upstairs out of earshot, before the meeting began. The meeting mainly comprised of people reporting on where they had been that week and if anything unusual had happened. The usual sinister tone that rolled off everyone's tongues made Tonks feel quite tired. Of course she knew what kind of world they were living in now, but despair seemed to be seeping into everything. She chuckled occasionally at Dung's ridiculous comments.  
Suddenly the topic of the Department of Mysteries came up.  
"I think we should think about placing a guard there. It will probably have to be someone who works at the Ministry so we don't arouse suspicion." Remus' face was serious, Tonks always found herself agreeing with everything he said, he certainly was a lot more sensible than her cousin.  
"It's a good idea", growled Mad Eye.  
"I agree", said Arthur. "If he's sending spies inside, we need to know who they are. If he gets his hands on this weapon, well who knows how bad it could get. I'd like to put myself forward as one of the people, my presence will not be questioned."  
"And me", said Tonks, eager to get involved with more of the Order's work, she knew that a few of the members still doubted her ability because of her age. After Kingsley had also said that he would be willing to do it, Remus turned to Tonks and Kingsley.  
"How's it going with the Black man hunt?" There was an edge of amusement in his voice that Tonks rarely heard, it was wonderful.  
She felt the sides of her mouth twitching as she replied, "He's been spotted in Northern Ireland recently, we've sent more people over there, we're pretty sure we've nearly got him."  
Sirius was swinging on his chair and roaring with laughter.  
"For Aurors they are pretty easily manipulated", said Kingsley smiling too, "it's been quite easy to gently push towards Dublin. I supposed we've been in need of a new lead for months, just give them a drop and they lap it up."  
"I also told them that I remembered that you'd told mum that you had a bit of a thing for leprechauns." Said Tonks giggling.  
This sent Remus and Bill into a fit of silent laughter.  
"Oi, you said what?" Sirius' chair legs snapped forward. Tonks could see the twinkle in his eyes, this is what he had missed.  
"You always did like the short ones with the little beards back in school didn't you Padfoot?" Said Remus clutching his sides. Sirius suddenly pulled out his wand and sent a giggling curse at his friend.  
Remus fell off his chair and began rolling around on the floor. It was one of the best things Tonks had ever seen. From his usual weary expression and serious tone, he was now on the floor with a look of such happiness and laughter on his face. The sound of his rare laughter brought smiles to everyone's faces.  
"Sirius", he wheezed before being taken by another fit of laughter, his hand outstretched towards Sirius, who had his hands on his hips and a look of utter glee as she watched his best friend so helpless with mirth.  
"You'd better take it off him Sirius, or you'll be in trouble", Arthur said, the corners of his mouth twitching.  
It seemed that the longer Sirius looked at Lupin on the floor, the funnier it became. Sirius was now leaning on the table for support, at almost the same level of giddiness as Remus.  
Sirius waved his wand and the laughter from the floor began to cease slowly. Sirius collapsed into his chair, his hand trying to crush the smiled that was still on his face.  
Bill hurriedly started up a conversation so it was not completely silent when Remus emerged from underneath the table. He was breathing heavily as he got up, as if he had run to Hogwarts and back. There was a pink tinge in his cheeks as he took his seat. There was a muffled squeaking sound from the head of the table as Sirius biting his lip to stop a storm of laughter. Remus' eyes were dark when he looked across, "Later." He said in a low voice, it sent a strange thrill through Tonks.  
"I look forward to it Moony", replied Sirius.

Soon people were leaving and yawns could be heard throughout the house. Tonks got up to retrieve her coat.  
"Night Kingsley", Tonks said as he got his coat in the hall, he nodded back.  
She heard Lupin saying goodnight to everyone as she made her way back into the kitchen. At the same moment as he was trying to get out. His body brushed against hers as he tried to squeeze past, she felt his hand on her waist as he moved her round so they could both get past. His hand was warm and soft. "Goodnight", he said, smiling, before turning to walk up the stairs.  
She turned to walk back into the kitchen and began breathing again, unaware that she had stopped.

**Hope this was alright for my first go. The second chapter should be up soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

Tonks was up and dressed a lot earlier that she normally was this morning. She looked in the mirror, something different today, she thought, I need a change. She scrunched up her face and her hair became shorter and ran with turquoise ringlets. She stepped out of her door into the crisp morning air, it was around 4:00am. She wanted to get to Grimmauld Place early this morning before she went to work. She disapparated outside and then appeared outside the headquarters. Once inside she tried especially hard not to wake anybody. This was hard enough for a normal person, but for Tonks it was nigh near impossible. She resorted to tip toeing down the corridor as slowly as she could. She passed a trolls foot and it swung around, but she caught it silently, and laid it back against the wall. She pushed the kitchen door open slowly expecting it to be empty, but Molly was in a lilac dressing gown and bustling around the kitchen sorting out breakfast. And there sitting at the table reading a book was Remus.  
They both turned as she entered.  
"Morning Tonks dear", said Molly setting jars of jam, honey and marmalade on the table.  
"Morning Molly", said Tonks yawning as she took a seat opposite Lupin.  
"You're up early", said Remus, looking up from his book.  
"I wanted to get here early to make sure I'm all set for tonight, before I go to work", she replied.  
Remus didn't look as tired as he had the week before, now he was wearing a plain white t-shirt and grey knee length shorts, which Tonks surmised to be his pyjamas. His hair was messy and sticking out at the sides, as though he had just got out of bed.  
"You're up early too", she said back to him.  
"I couldn't sleep, and I wanted to get down early enough before all the white toast had gone."  
"Not early enough to change though", she said smirking slightly.  
"I'm afraid you beat me there. I think you and Molly are the only ones who have caught me in my pj's", he said smiling gently.  
"What a lucky girl I am", said Mrs Weasley who had not so accidently been eavesdropping on their conversation. Tonks giggled into her hand.  
Remus was smiling too, but a small frown had formed on his forehead. "I've never seen you with turquoise hair before."  
Tonks twirled a strand between her fingers, "I wanted to try something new today, I get bored quite easily with a colour, if I wear it too long."  
"If I was a Metamorphmagus, I wonder what colour hair I'd have", said Remus. A sudden image of him with spiky electric blue hair flooded into her head. She giggled again.  
"No", she shook her head, "I don't think any other colour would suit you, that colour is just, your colour."  
He laughed and then his eyes widened excitedly moving from her eyes into her hair. "I'm not sure it suits you so much".  
Tonks pulled at a strand of hair, which she now found to be shoulder length. When she looked at it, her eyes widened too. Her hair had changed into the exact same shade of chestnut brown as his, it even had the faint streaks of grey.  
"So it can change without you thinking about it?"  
"Usually it's when I'm really embarrassed or angry. Some form of heightened emotion."  
"And are you feeling a strong emotion now?" He asked, the smile gone from his face.  
Suddenly Mrs Weasley pushed plateful of scrambled eggs and bacon in front of Tonks. She had almost forgotten that she was still there. Lupin checked his watch, "they'll be up soon, I'd better go and change." He rose from the table, thanked Molly for the early breakfast and walked out of the door.  
Tonks felt her eyes moving from his torso, down to his legs that were usually covered by a pair of old trousers. The muscles in his calves were not muscular but lean. His skin was pale, almost as light as his white t-shirt. It was so odd that Tonks found herself staring for much longer than she needed to. Before the stair case turned and his knees disappeared up, she noticed the ivy green socks that he was wearing, and she was sure they were a pair that Mrs Weasley had knitted him for Christmas.  
Her attention was suddenly captured by the delicious smell under her nose, her stomach rumbled. She picked up the fork and wolfed down the entire plate at lightning speed.  
"You up to much today Molly?" Asked Tonks.  
"I might pop down to Diagon Alley to collect the children's new books for the beginning of term. And I want to make Harry's favourite when he gets here, so I have to get some more treacle, Kreacher seems to have hidden the last tin." She said, setting a tower of toast in front of her. The smell of cooking must have wafted up the staircase because she could hear people bustling around above it.  
There was a flurry as everyone arrived in the kitchen at different times, they all greeted Tonks as they entered. The kitchen table was soon filled with plates of Molly's magnificent food. Arthur Weasley entered with his tie undone around his neck. He stood still whist Mrs Weasley tied it for him. He spotted Tonks among the many red heads.  
"I'm surprised to see you here this early Tonks", he said smiling kindly at her.  
"I just wanted to make sure I was 100% sure of the times for tonight, I'm supposed to be here for 9?"  
"10", he said as Mrs Weasley straightened his knotted tie. "10 o'clock here, then to Privet Drive, then back here, hopefully around 12, if all goes to plan."  
"Gotcha, well my shift finishes at 8 so I may as well come straight here. If that's alright with you, Sirius?" She said to the man who had just walked into the kitchen.  
"Of course, of course, you may come whenever you feel like it, little cousin", he bounced around the table till he was by her side. "Because guess what?"  
"What?" She said.  
"Harry is coming home today!" A huge goofy grin was spread across his face.  
Tonks laughed as she hugged him. "Well I'm off, see you all tonight" she said.  
There was a rumble of goodbyes as she left. She grabbed a piece of toast before she was out of the door. Once outside she disapparated straight to the ministry.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry I've ended up changing the name of this story a couple of times this week. Hopefully this one will come into effect more as the story moves forward.**

Tonks knocked over a chair as she walked nervously around the kitchen in Grimmauld Place. This was a big job, and everyone knew it. The room was filled with people who were muttering excitedly, it was not usual for this number of people to be required for a mission. In the corner Mad Eye was talking quietly with Kingsley Shacklebolt. Elphias Doge, Dedalus Diggle and Sturgis Podmore were seated at the table, Hestia Jones ran in looking slightly out of breath, her eyes were alight with anticipation. Every single one of them had a broomstick, either in their hands, on the table, or balanced next to them. They ranged in size and colour, some that were light beige, others deep redwood or chestnut.

Tonks was leaning against the door frame when Remus entered carrying a broomstick. Tonks' eyes widened as her eyes found the broom.  
"A Nimbus 2001, where the hell did you get that?" She looked down at her Comet Two Sixty, and patted it in a bemused sort of way.  
"It's not mine, it's Sirius'." Remus was holding the broom away from him at arm's length, as though afraid it might suddenly go berserk. "He made me go to Diagon Alley as soon as he was out of Azkaban, and gave me enough gold to buy this." Tonks could tell that Remus had not spent much time on a broomstick, and he didn't seem to realize the fine craftsmanship that he was holding.  
"Where is Sirius?" Asked Tonks.  
Remus' face dropped slightly, "He doesn't want to come down, it's hard enough him not being able to go and get Harry in person."  
"I understand," she said solemnly, he gave her a fleeting smile before Mad Eye growled for silence.  
"Now, we are all aware of the safety risks involved in this operation. I am going to go through the plan one last time, we are apparating from here to Privet Drive in around 10 minutes, we will then proceed down the street under cover of darkness until we reach number four. The muggles should be out, Tonks?" Mad Eye looked over to her, and Tonks felt all the eyes in the room focus on her.  
"They're off to a prize-giving night for the All-England Best Kept Suburban Lawn," she tried to hide her grin of satisfaction.  
"Excellent," chuckled Remus in her ear. She felt a soft flush under her cheeks.  
"Ok, so we'll collect Harry, wait for the first signal, which will be red sparks, then the second which will be green sparks, we'll kick off. We'll be flying in formation, Potter in the centre, Lupin you underneath him," he nodded at Remus. "I'll be behind him, Nymphadora you leading the way. We may have to improvise our route if we are intercepted or spotted by muggles. We don't break ranks if one of us is killed." He growled, his electric blue eye swivelling around each of them, as though daring them to oppose this statement.  
Kingsley checked his watch from behind Mad Eye, "It's two minutes to now Alastor, we'd better get out the front."  
There was the sound of scrapping chairs as everyone got up to leave. Tonks turned to find Remus with his arm extended, offering her to exit the door first, while he held it open for everyone else.

Before Tonks had reached the front door, Moody came limping down the corridor, his wooden leg thumping the floor. She moved out the way quickly before being knocked out of the way. He opened the door slowly and thrust his shaggy head out into the night air. His head turned to the right, then the left. When he was satisfied that there was no one lurking on the corner of the street, he pulled out the Put-Outer and clicked it three times. The lights from the street lamps became orbs of light and flew towards the device in his hand. The street was plunged into darkness. They all hurried out of the front door in silence and stood in a line in front of Mad Eye.  
Tonks tripped down the pavement and felt Lupin's arm clutching her elbow, "Are you alright?" He whispered to her.  
She nodded slowly.

"We are apparating to the end of Privet Drive, Surrey, in three . . . two . . . one." Tonks held her breath and turned on the spot, as she felt everyone around her do the same. She focused on her destination clearly in her head. It was an unpleasant sensation, but she was more than used to it now. She had the feeling of being sucked out of a tunnel, and then cool air hit her, and she opened her eyes. Nine of them were standing at the end of a suburban housing estate, at the entrance to the street sign posted as 'Privet Drive'.  
Quick as a flash, Mad Eye had retrieved the Put-Outer from his pocket and successfully put out all the lights in the street.  
"Now we move quickly and quietly, number four is on the left side of the road. Once inside we must make sure Potter is ready to depart as quickly as possible. We must not attract any unwanted attention." He growled into the darkness, in what Tonks knew was his attempt at a whisper.  
They walked silently up the road passing modern houses with identical layouts: each with a drive and small lawn at the front. It took them barely a minute to reach the Dursley's house.  
"_Alohomora_," said Moody when they reached the white front door. It clicked open, and they all creaked over the threshold. Tonks soon found herself in an absurdly clean kitchen. Moonlight was glinting off the polished surfaces and it all spelt faintly of disinfectant and washing up liquid. Four or five plates had been stacked on the draining board, and she stepped forward to examine the strange muggle markings on them.

There was a loud smash as the plate slipped out of her grasp and hit the floor.  
"Damnit," she cursed into the darkness. Her clumsiness was going to stop her being involved in this type of thing one day, she was sure of it.  
"Nymphadora Tonks," growled Moody sternly, from somewhere near her right. "Can't you control yourself?"  
Tonks shrank into the shadows in shame. She felt herself stand on something that was an odd shape.  
"Ouch," came a whisper in her ear. She jumped back into a larger object behind the thing she'd stepped on. She found herself in Remus Lupin's arms.  
"That was my foot," he whispered into her ear, she had backed into him and he was now pinned against the wall.  
"I'm sorry," moaned Tonks attempting to move forwards out of his grip.  
"Stay still for a minute before Alastor loses his thread," he whispered back into her ear, pulling her back, his hands still holding her arms steady.  
"Cut out that whispering," growled Mad Eye, "I can hear movement upstairs."

Remus finally released her and they all made their way slowly to the bottom of the staircase. As they looked up, they saw a faint light illuminating the landing. There with his wand outstretched and his hair sticking out everywhere was Harry Potter. Tonks recognised him immediately from all the pictures of him in the Daily Prophet, but also from an old picture of James Potter in the Order of the Phoenix. The light being emitted from his wand was bouncing off the lenses in his glasses and defining his weary and surprised eyes.  
Mad Eye took the lead with the introductions as everyone continued to stare at him with eager eyes. She felt a brush of air as Remus stepped forward to shake Harry's hand, a happiness lighting up his features. Tonks doubled back into the kitchen so they could give Harry space to get down the stairs.  
"This is Nymphadora Tonks," said Mad Eye gesturing towards her.  
She felt a twinge of annoyance before she replied, "Don't call me Nymphadora, it's Tonks."  
She gave Harry an encouraging smile, and was pleased to find she received one in return.

As Harry began to question Mad Eye, Tonks took the opportunity to give the room a good looking at. Even in the darkness she could tell that it was owned by a perfectionist, and quite possibly a neat freak. Her father was muggle born, and he certainly wasn't this clean and tidy. After a while of looking around, it felt slightly alien, or inhuman to her. She needed a bit of mess, a bit of imperfection. When she reached Harry's room, as she volunteered to help him pack, she was glad to find it did not have the same neatness as the rest of the house.  
"Now this is better," she said appreciatively. Harry began to try to quickly stuff his belongings into his trunk by hand. She decided however, that this was a great waste of time, and frankly magic was a lot cooler. After she had managed to get most of his kit into the trunk she spotted a shaped broomstick with an incredibly angled handle and perfectly trimmed tail ends. This was no ordinary broomstick.  
"You're got a Firebolt!" She exclaimed, failing to hide her obvious delight at seeing such a world class broomstick. She picked it up and admired it in the moonlight, if she had a weakness, it was definitely Quidditch. She quickly got her excitement under control as she heard rustling downstairs, she knew Mad Eye would be up to check on them if she didn't hurry up. She didn't fancy being shouted at in front of everyone by her mentor, again. She waved her wand and Harry's trunk lifted smoothly off the ground and followed him as he made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen again.  
She watched Mad Eye rap Harry hard on the head and saw his body take the exact shade of mint green as the walls. It really was extraordinary magic. She saw Kingsley in the corner nodding with approval.

Soon they were all assembled in the Dursley's back lawn. Tonks strapped Harry's trunk and cage onto the back of her broomstick.  
"There's the first signal." Tonks looked up to see red sparks flying through the midnight sky. She swung her leg over her Comet Two Sixty and clasped the handle tightly. She glanced to her left quickly to see Remus sitting uncomfortably on Sirius' broom, holding the handle uneasily. Tonks giggled to herself and beamed at him.  
He saw her watching him and gave her a smile back as if to say, 'I know I look a fool, but I don't know what I'm doing.'  
Green sparks pierced the sky as the second signal was sent. As one everyone kicked off the ground and zoomed up into the sky. Tonks immediately flew to the front and tapped the compass on her broom handle. She began to bear east towards London. It felt great to be flying again, it had been almost 4 years since she had been on a broomstick. It reminded her happily of her Quidditch matches at Hogwarts. Very quickly Tonks' fingers began to lose feeling and become stiff with cold. Her cheeks began to tingle as the icy wind scratched its fingers through her hair.

She yelled back at Mad Eye as he suggested they go through a cloud, and then double back. What a ridiculous idea! They were all bloody freezing. If they carried on much longer she would become a human ice cube, keel over and fall off her broom. Tonks turned her head quickly to check behind her, and she caught Harry's facial expression. It was one of such joy and contentment, she had to smile too. He was clearly in his element, up in the sky.  
As they neared Grimmauld Place, Tonks began her descent and knew everyone else was following behind her. As they neared the ground, she felt the air become warmer and her body stop shivering. They all landed and dismounted on a patch of grass in front of the house. She moved round to the back of her broom and began unbuckling Harry's trunk and Hedwig's cage. She saw everyone leading Harry to the entrance, but she felt someone beside her. She looked up to see Remus looking thoroughly shaken; his hair looking windswept and his nose very red.  
"Need some help?" He asked indicating the heavy trunk. Tonks could easily have charmed the luggage to follow them up the steps, and she knew he could too, yet she didn't question why he lifted up the trunk and carried it to the steps.

Once inside she placed the cage on the floor next to where Remus had placed the trunk. The hall was in complete darkness. They all waited silently for Mad Eye to get some light.  
She was determined this time, not to make a sound. She closed her eyes and tried to visualise the corridor, she knew the trolls leg that always caught her was somewhere on her right. She took a sharp step backwards, where she knew there would be nothing for her to trip up on. She heard a small intake of breath and froze. She felt something hard beneath her foot.  
"We're making this a bit of a habit aren't we?" She felt his warm breath in her ear and she could hear the smile in his voice. She had stepped on Remus' foot again. He was still very close to her and she could hear his steady breathing.  
"You should know by now Remus, that I am incredibly clumsy in daylight. Did you really expect me to be any better in the dark?" She whispered back.  
She heard him chuckling gently.  
Suddenly the lights came on and Mad Eye stumped down the hall. Molly burst out of the door at the end with a huge smile on her face.  
"He's just arrived, the meeting's started," she said to them all before embracing Harry. They all hurried forwards excitedly and she followed, stepping through the door after the others.


	4. Chapter 4

"**Sometimes, however, the visitors stayed to help. Tonks joined them for a memorable afternoon in which they found a murderous old ghoul lurking in an upstairs toilet,…"**

During the time before Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fred and George returned to school many of the Order of the Phoenix members stayed to help with the seemingly impossible task of cleaning the Black house. Tonks arrived one Saturday morning wondering around idly looking for something exciting to do, Mad Eye had given her the day off. She was sitting at the table with her head on the wood, when Ginny came into the room.  
"Mum, we need some help upstairs, are you busy?" Her eyes were gleaming with excitement.  
"I'm sorry dear, but I've got heaps of laundry to do. Besides, I thought Sirius was more than capable of disinfesting his own house." Molly said raising her chin, Tonks could tell she was still unforgiving towards Sirius after he let Harry know so much about the Order's work.  
"What's happening Ginny?" Tonks asked, raising her head.  
Ginny turned and jumped slightly, as though she had been unaware that Tonks was in the room.  
"Tonk! You can help us, there's a murderous old ghoul lurking in the toilet upstairs. There's a few of us up there, but it's putting up quite a fight," Ginny said grinning.  
"Sure, I need something to occupy myself with," Tonks said, pulling herself out of her chair and following Ginny up the stairs.  
As they proceeded down the corridor, Tonks could hear approaching howls of anger and splashing water, and the occasional scream. Tonks quickened her pace, as she burst through the bedroom door she saw Hermione tending to Harry whose eyes were clenched in pain, his forearm slashed open and bleeding swiftly. Ron and Sirius came hurtling out of the small ensuite, Sirius' hair was plastered to his face and Ron was clutching his neck which had turned a very sore pink colour.  
"That bloody little-" Ron swore loudly at the top of his voice.  
"What's going on?" Asked Tonks, she almost had to bite her lip from giggling, the scene looked so comical.  
"Ghoul . . . in the loo . . . trying to . . . rip out our necks . . . spells . . . not working. . ." Sirius had his hands on his knees and was panting heavily.  
"It's a ghoul," said Hermione as she finished fixing up Harry's arm, "it's physical properties are unlike a human or animals, it resembles a ghost more closely, so many spells are simply reflecting off or passing straight through him."  
"And we can't try anything drastic otherwise we'll tear apart the house," said Harry.  
Sirius had now recovered his breath and was looking about them with a expression of mingled alarm and amusement. He pointed to the room, where Tonks could hear a gurgling sound and furious breathing. "Remus is still in there," he said.  
No sooner had he uttered those words when Lupin came stumbling out of the door, looking furious.  
He tripped and fell onto the sofa, which was ideally placed.  
"It's no use, I can grab hold of him long enough, his arms keep squeezing out of my grasp, and throttling me," Lupin said leaning back and closing his eyes.  
"Maybe we should wait until the full moon and set you on him Moony," said Sirius grinning.  
Lupin smiled vaguely as he leaned back and stretched his arms behind his head and fluffed his hair a little. Tonks looked at him for a moment, he looked so vacant and like he had given up, he looked almost peaceful. His neck was exposed and all the muscles in his face had relaxed.  
"Can I take a look at it, I've never seen a ghoul before," said Tonks.  
"Be my guest," said Sirius , giving her a warning glance.  
She walked forwards into the doorway. She glanced at the porcelain toilet seat, it was in the centre of the room. The floor was covered with water, which had splashed onto the mirror, mixed with some of Harry's blood. A small pair of mouldy green eyes were peaking over the top of the seat, they narrowed as she got closer. She felt someone behind her, and she turned.  
"I'm right behind you," came Lupin's voice.  
As she approached the gaping hole of the toilet, she could begin to see the ghoul's, for want of a better word, body. It was grey in colour, it appeared to be made out of a substance with the consistency of custard. It had no bones, but was held together by a skin which was bumpy and lumpy. It resembled a bag of sick.  
Tonks proceeded slowly, with her arms outstretched. She was almost standing with her shins touching the lid, when the ghoul pounced. With her Auror reflexes, quick as lightening, she grabbed a tray of old bath room products and smacked it over the head. Tonks smiled with satisfaction at the metallic clang. Remus was now clutching the sink for support and he laughed at the ghouls dazed expression. It's head was moving as if in a dream, gently swaying like a snake being charmed. Tonks raised her eyebrows at Remus, silently shaking.  
Suddenly she felt something sharply constricting her breathing, something pressing hard against her windpipe. She saw Remus' epression flick from amusement to horror.  
"Remus," she gasped. She tried to grab hold of the ghoul's arms, but as she did, the skin simply dented, as though the custard substance had moved from her touch, like a memory shape pillow.  
She could hear the blood pounding in her ears, and her burning desire to breathe, to inhale a lungful of wonderful oxygen. She could feel her eye sight dimming, and the pins and needles in her feet.  
"Remus. . ." she coughed. She could hear the splashing of water, and she knew she wouldn't last much longer. She felt light, like a wisp of cloud, ready to blow over at the smallest breeze.  
"Sat with me Dora, stay with me," she heard a voice far away. Was it Remus, she couldn't tell, if only he spoke a bit louder.  
Suddenly there was an almighty crash and she felt the pressure release immediately. She felt her legs collapse from under her as she took in a huge breathe. But too quickly. Her tongue caught in her mouth and she found the strength to roll over and she began coughing heavily. She found her vision returning, but all she could see was the blurry lime marble floor and small streams of water.  
"Dora?" Came a small voice above her, she felt arms encasing her and gently pulling her upwards and out of the room.  
"Yes?" She said stupidly, yawning hugely. She felt herself being placed on the sofa.  
"Tonks! Tonks are you alright?" She could tell this was Sirius' voice. Her eyes focused on his worried face, she reached up and patted his bearded face.  
"Yes, I'll live," she closed her eyes and when she opened them again, he vision had improved again. Feeling had now returned to all her extremities, but she was feeling a little light-headed.  
"We thought you were going to suffocate," came Ginny's voice, her eyes wide and fearful.  
"What would Mad Eye say if I was killed by a toilet loving ghoul," Tonks said weakly. Everyone chuckled.  
"She'll be fine," announced Sirius, tapping her on the nose. "Remus, what?"  
All heads turned to Lupin who was standing in the corner, he was rolling up his sleeves quickly, almost shaking with anger.  
"_Accio_," he growled and the plunger from the toilet flew out of the room into his outstretched hand. "I have had enough of this," he said, clearly about to do something rash.  
"Moony, mate, a plungers not going to do it," said Sirius, looking a little worried.  
Lupin didn't respond, he only took out his wand and muttered an incantation over the plunger.  
Tonks heard Hermione's intake of breath. Ron was looking at her with a puzzled expression.  
"He's but a burning curse on it," she whispered, "everything it touches will burn."  
Tonks looked back at Remus, his forehead now glistening with sweat. He walked forward swiftly and with purpose into the ensuite. Tonks craned her neck, but she couldn't see in the door, from her position on the sofa. There was much splashing and cries, again.  
And suddenly, "GOTCHA!" There was a terrible howling, and a cloud of steam sizzled out of the doorway. The howl reached such a high pitch, everyone had to cover their ears.  
Then Remus appeared, with a satisfied look on his face. "Burnt a hole in his skin, he's emptying out into the loo, just give him a little flush Padfoot, and he'll be out of your hair."  
Everyone cheered, but Lupin turned to Tonks.  
"I'm glad you're alright," he said softly.  
She looked up into his eyes, "I am thank you."  
When he smiled and walked away to help clean up the toilet, she felt a stirring again inside her. Only this time she noticed it.


	5. Chapter 5

Tonks was sitting alone in her small house, trying to cool herself down in the summer heat, when a grey feathery football flew through the window and thumped on the wall. It gave a small hoot and slid to the floor. She noticed a small cream slip of parchment attached to the owl's foot. She picked up the lifeless owl, which appeared to be sweating, and places it in a thin bowl of water to cool it down. The large fan in her room fluttered her short bubblegum pink hair as she read the letter.

_Dear Tonks,  
I know there isn't a meeting tonight, but Ron and Hermione have had their letters from Hogwarts, and prefect badges! I wanted to throw them a little party, and you're more than welcome! Hope you can make it,  
Molly  
xxx_

Tonks could tell by Molly's handwriting, that she was over the moon at her sixth son's achievement. She imagined most of the Order would have been invited; Mad Eye, Kingsley, Bill, Mundungnus, Sirius would be there, and Remus. She paused for a moment, she seemed to have been rolling his name around her head for a few days now, with almost no idea why. She started to feel slightly apprehensive about going, was it because she knew he would be there? Hang on just one minute, she told herself, you're becoming self conscious. She walked swiftly to the long mirror in her bedroom and turned her hair waist length and tomato red. Pah! Her, self conscious, never! She threw her travelling cloak around her and walked out the front door. She was sweltering under her cloak, though she knew she couldn't risk being recognised by removing it. She then disapparated quickly to Grimmauld Place.  
When she was inside the hallway, she took off her cloak and placed it on the stand. She looked down and realised she hadn't bothered to change her shorts in the boiling heat. And she hadn't shaved her legs! Damn it, she thought, hm, maybe . . . She scrunched up her face and the hairs on her legs began to receed slowly, leaving her limbs smooth and pale. Well that's useful, she thought, otherwise I'd have walked in there with legs like a werewolf!  
"Hey Tonks," said Sirius coming into view at the end of the hall. He too was feeling the heat as he was wearing a vest, his wavy black hair falling elegantly onto his handsome face. "The party's in the basement, c'mon it's much cooler down there. Remus' put some fans up to stop us from turning into puddles. Although Moony is still dressed like it's snowing outside."  
So he's here then, she thought. Oh pull yourself together!  
You're a grown woman for god's sake.  
As they stepped into the basement, the temperature difference was staggering. Pale blue fans were swaying from each side of the room. Blasting a cool breeze around the basement. Such air was being produced by the fans, the noise should have been phenomenal, but they were silent. Tonks suddenly felt underdressed as Sirius slipped on a waistcoat.  
"Molly," she hissed, "do you have a skirt or something I could borrow? I'm . . . uh . . ." She gestured to her shorts.  
"_Accio_," said Mrs Weasley smiling. A denim skirt came whizzing into the basement, Tonks grabbed them quickly before everyone saw it. "They're Ginny's, they should fit you."  
"Thanks a million Molly," said Tonks, slipping them over her shorts.  
After she had attempted to make herself look half decent, she looked around the usually dark and grimy basement. Mrs Weasley had obviously gone out of her way to make the place look like it was regularly used for merriment, the polar opposite to normal. Tables of food were laid out, filled with Molly's homemade treats. Everyone was here, except the trio; Harry, Ron and Hermione. As she looked, she caught Remus' eye, he smiled at her. Suddenly, she felt heat building in her cheeks despite the cooling fans. Thundering up her neck and filling her face, a burning blush. She turned quickly, trying to look nonchalant.  
"Nymphadora," a voice growled behind her. She turned and came face to face with Mad Eye. "You alright," he said eyeing her rosy cheeks.  
"Yes." She said, frowning slightly as if she wondered why he had come to a conclusion that something was wrong.  
"Well, anyway, you're going to need to come in early tomorrow. There's tons of paper work to be done on the enquiry into the dementor attack on Harry."  
"But that's not Auror work!" She exclaimed.  
"I know, but Scriegmour wants Aurors on it, he requested you by name." His blye eye stopped scanning the room, and focused straight on her. "We know he's been asking more questions than's good for him, but just be careful." He held up his hand as she began to protest. "Don't get angry, you can be dead set against spilling nothing, but a burst of anger can cause you to say things you wouldn't want to," he growled.  
Before she could respond further, Harry, Ron and Hermione entered to rapturous applause. Both Hermione and Ron were beaming as they entered, and Harry beside them looked happy, but to Tonks it looked sort of forced. She was about to go over and congratulate them when she was intercepted by the floating smell of warm sausage rolls. Her stomach rumbled, as if egging her on. She picked up three and placed them on her plate, the pastry cover was crisp and flaky, yet the meat inside was soft and sizzling. A fourth wouldn't do any harm, she thought. Her hand, quick as a flash, a fourth was added to her plate. She was surprised more people hadn't taken a fair few, she'd better take one more, incase they're all gone when she returns. Her hand hovered over the tray, she glanced around to make sure no one was watching her.  
"Go on, you know you want to," came a familiar voice behind her. Why was it that he always crept up on her from behind?  
She turned to find him behind her. His hair was still greying and his clothes shabbier than ever. But the effect of a small rare smile on his face was miraculous.  
"Uh . . . I haven't had any breakfast," she inwardly winced, hoping that this was a convincing enough lie.  
He frowned slightly and said, "You know that I can tell when you're lying. But I don't blame you, they're delicious."  
He leant in and picked up two, as he did so his arm brushed her bare one. She was acutely aware of how close he was between those few seconds. She felt as if the air between them was solid. She had to steady her arm which was holding the plate of sausage rolls, which now greatly resembled the Tower of Pisa.  
She needed something to do, something to distract her, so she began coughing into her cup. Anything was better than this electric charge running through her.  
"Are you alright?" He said in a concerned voice, and he put his hand on her back. This is not helping, she inwardly moaned. The warmth of his palm was seeping through her back. Luckily Kingsley came over and began asking Remus some serious questions about his work for the Order, so she managed to slip off.  
She walked to the toilet and locked herself it. She turned to face herself in the mirror. What was happening to her? Whatever it was she couldn't control it, it was controlling her. This was Remus Lupin, whom she'd know for a while now, who had caused her no effect until now. Her large eyes were blinking slowly at her. Was she? Could she be . . . ?  
She closed her eyes and his smiling face swam into view, his warm breath on her ear when they were bringing Harry to Headquarters.  
Her eyes flew open. The sudden realisation hit her like a train. She could feel a large smile spreading across her face. She felt elated at finally understanding the source of her feelings.  
It was him.


	6. Chapter 6

It had been a week since the party, a week since Tonks had discovered what was lurking inside her. She had spent a long time thinking about it, with her back against her wall and staring into the darkness. She though for longer than she thought she could on one specific topic. Flipped it all ways inside her head. Most of the time she found herself smiling into her hands. But before too long Mad Eye's face swam into view. She knew exactly what he would say about her, as he would call it, 'immature feelings which would make you lose what little attention you have now!' The world was changing, darker, where there was no room for mistakes. She had to dedicate 100% of her time to her work and the Order.  
She cleared her throat, she was at the beginning anyway, perhaps she could snuff them, now before they could escalate. Could it be that easy? When she thought about it now, it did sound like the best option, for the moment anyway.  
She got up off the floor, after about 10 hours of sitting in the darkness. She turned on the light.

Tonks watched as Mrs Weasley and Harry appeared through the barrier to platform 9 ¾ . She patted the purple hat shaped like a pork pie which was balanced precariously on top of tightly curled grey hair. She checked her watch, Arthur, Ron and Hermione should be here in a minute. Mrs Weasley was looking around worriedly for her husband, and Harry was staring at the magnificent Hogwarts Express with a deep contentment in his eyes. Sirius was staring at the train too, his tail wagging furiously.  
Tonks eyes were everywhere, flicking from each and every person on the platform. Her ears pricking at every noise. She loved it, thrived off being alert, this was her life. Suddenly she heard a clumping behind her, she whirled around. There was Mad Eye. She looked intently at him for a minute, he was like an uncle, a mentor, a teacher, and a friend. A Protector as well, she always thought of him as so tough, he knew how to help her, always. She gulped.  
'Luggage has been taken care of,' he growled. 'Arthur not here yet?'  
Mrs Weasley shook her head as Mad Eye's eye swivelled around towards the barrier. Could he see through that, thought Tonks.  
Suddenly Mr Weasley stepped through with Ron and Hermione. Mr Weasley's glasses were askew, but they looked well.  
'Arthur,' Mrs Weasley made to ran for her husband, but stopped short, almost remembering that they were not alone.  
'We're fine Molly,' he said taking her hand.  
Tonks was suddenly struck by the beauty of Mr and Mrs Weasley's relationship. They were clearly as deep as you could go. For a brief second she felt a slash of envy.  
Then Lupin, Fred, George, and Ginny came through the barrier. Sirius ran to Remus and jumped up on his knees barking happily.  
'Get down you stupid mutt,' said Remus, his face serious but his eyes twinkling. Sirius let out a yelp that she knew was his dog-like laugh. Sirius and Remus joking around was always Tonks' favourite thing to watch. Just the way Sirius abolished Remus' seriousness and left him smiling and so young. It was like watching two little boys playing with each other. Sirius seemed to think he could get away with so much more as a dog.  
'Cut it out,' growled Mad Eye. Sirius stopped, but began licking Remus' fingers which were hanging loosely at his side.  
The kids stood facing all the adults, and Tonks noticed, they weren't kids anymore. They were young adults, it made her feel incredibly old. Remus stood at the end, he must have noticed her expression because he caught her eye and raised his eyebrows questioningly. She turned her head quickly, remember clean cut. Perhaps this was easier than she thought.  
The whistle blew and everyone began saying goodbye. Tonks hugged Hermione and Ginny. 'Have fun,' she whispered to them. She saw Ron standing almost awkwardly with his hand outstretched as if to shake her hand, like he was to the other men. Tonks walked forward briskly and hugged him. When she released him he looked shocked but pleased and relaxed. She saw Remus shaking hands with Harry, as a nephew might shake his uncles hand.  
Tonks turned, she wanted to keep her back to him as much as she could, if she was going to keep to her promise.  
They all boarded the train, and she suddenly felt Remus beside her. They all waved, and Arthur and Molly were in front of them were still holding hands whilst waving. Tonks looked at their hands entwined together in such an image of love. And she felt Remus beside her, his hand raised in farewell. She could hear her breathing becoming faster and louder. She tried to slow it down but her brain screamed for oxygen. A heat was rising to her skin all over her body. She could hear the soft crumple of his clothes as he waved. She could even smell him.  
She bent her head to the concrete floor, her eyes widening. In such close proximity to him, there was nothing she could do. She moved away from him again.  
Her eyes followed Sirius as he ran abreast with the crimson train.  
'Well we'd better get back,' said Remus as the train disappeared from sight. 'That right Mad Eye?'  
'Yeah, two's. I'll go with Arthur, Remus and Tonks-'  
'I'll go with Molly instead,' said Tonks. The words had just formed in her head before they were tumbling out of her mouth. If she was attempting to extinguish feelings, she had to stay away from him. She looked up for a slit second and saw a hurt look flash across Remus' confused face.  
It stung her.  
She felt Sirius lick her fingers softly, but she turned away.  
Arthur and Mad Eye left quickly. Lupin and Mrs Weasley made small talk for a while before they decided it was time for the second pair to depart. Remus said goodbye to her and Molly, their eyes met, but there was no smile. Her stomach fell through.  
As Remus and Sirius walked away, she saw Sirius running between his legs in attempt to trip him up, a giggle almost spilled from her lips. She stared at Remus' walking figure, his threadbare coat and soft hair fluttering in the wind. Tears stung her eyes.  
'I give up,' she whispered.  
'What Tonks dear?' Said Molly.  
'Nothing,' she forced a smile.  
She knew she had tried and failed.


	7. Chapter 7

**All characters belong to JK Rowling.**

"Tonks," Kingsley said breaking her daydream.  
"Sorry, I was miles away," she said blinking.  
"Clearly," he said gruffly and looking over his shoulder.  
"Don't worry, he'll be here," Tonks said reassuringly.  
They'd both been sitting opposite each other in The Three Broomsticks for 20 minutes. They were waiting for the Death Eater Dolohov. The Auror office had had a tip off that he was supposed to appear here to deliver something to one of the waitresses.  
"I don't see why we can't just take her in for questioning now. Save us a hell of a lot of time," she said. Her eyes passed over a slight woman with a blonde bob and pitch eyes.  
"We can't just charge in here, stun her, and take her to the Ministry. We have no reason to! Besides, the whole point of this is to catch him in the act of delivering something which will give us a reason to send him back to Azkaban. Our source is sound, but if he's not here in 20 minutes, I'm calling it off."  
"I was looking forward to locking up that good for nothing little- hey is that Remus?" She pointed to a man who had just taken a seat at the bar.  
She felt her heart expand as she looked at him, just sitting there. From the last time they'd met she knew there was no point attempting to resist any longer. The hurt look on his face had stung her deep inside. To hurt him, she hurt herself. So she had agreed with her conscience that she could continue to be friends with him, as long as she didn't allow her feelings to make her do anything rash. It seemed that every time she clapped eyes on him the feeling crashed down harder each time.  
"I'll just go and say hello," she said slipping off the bench.  
"Remember that he might now-," he said pointing to his own wrinkled face and white moustache. Kingsley had taken an aging potion, so he would be somewhat unrecognizable to Dolohov.  
Tonks gave him thumbs up. She ha d changed her appearance a bit more than usual. Normally she would just change her hair colour and leave her face. Today however she had enlarged her nose and redefined her carved cheekbones. Her changed facial features transformed her from Tonks, along with sheets of ginger hair. The continued heat had caused her to wear a short skirt in the attempt to cool down.  
She crossed the fairly empty pub as he raised a glass of Butterbeer to his lips.  
She toppled onto the stool next to him, she had to grab the wooden bar to balance herself. From the corner of her eye she could see him slowly lower his glass.  
"Wotcher Remus," she said grinning at his confused expression.  
"I'm sorry, have we met before?" He asked mildly.  
"I'm fairly certain we have," she said, her smile almost covering her entire face.  
She could see his eyebrows tensing in concentration. He looked very pale and almost ill. Then his chocolate eyes widened, he leaned in, his eyes hungrily searching her face.  
"Nymphadora?" He whispered.  
"How did you know?" She found herself whispering back.  
His lips twitched, "I can see you shining through that mask."  
She stared back for a moment, lost for words.  
"Who's that with you?" He nodded his head at an aged Shacklebolt.  
She giggled behind her hand, "oh come and see!"  
She jumped lightly off the stool, Remus however stumbled heavily, clutching the stool for support. His eyes closed and a pained look on his face.  
"Remus?" She whispered, at his side in an instant.  
"I'm fine," he said, his voice shockingly faint.  
She worriedly as he lowered himself into the seat opposite Kingsley. There was definitely something not right about him. She'd seen him tired and shabby, but this was something more. His sheet pale face had tinges of grey, his fingers shaking and his eyes looked unfocused. The trip from the bar to Kingsley seemed to have sapped his strength and health.  
"Remus," Kingsley said, Tonks thought she heard concern in his deep voice. "We're here on a job, it might be better if you weren't here. Attracting attention with higher numbers, you know."  
"Jeez, it's like looking into a time machine Kingsley. I understand, see you later." Remus went to raise himself up from the table with his arms, but they collapsed under the weight. He fell back onto the seat, his head lolling, his eyes shut.  
Tonks clamped her hand on his neck desperately searching for a pulse. It was there, but faint.  
"He's fainted, he's so weak," she whispered to the aged Kingsley.  
"Take him to Headquarters, he's ill. I'll stay, Dolohov might be here in a minute. This chance may never come again."  
Tonks nodded firmly and glanced at Remus, slouched against the back of the chair. She took his hand and disapparated.  
She was outside Grimmauld Place. She suddenly felt the weight of Remus' lifeless body against hers. His fiery check was pressed against hers and she struggled to keep him upright.  
"C'mon Remus," she moaned as she dragged him through the door. It was stiflingly hot inside, slightly cooler though than outside.  
"Hello," she shouted through the house. There was no reply.  
She pulled out her wand, "_Wingardium Levios_."  
Remus' body rose, she followed his floating form up the stairs and into the bedroom he used when he stayed with Sirius. She laid him to rest on the bed. She moved his soft hair off his forehead and placed her hand on it, it was burning hot.  
Now to revive him. She suddenly had the image of her performing CPR on him. Her lips meeting him. A warm flush crept inside her.  
You're a witch for God's sake!  
"_Enervate_," she said pointing her wand at his chest.  
His eyes fluttered open and his mouth opened in a long sigh.  
"Remus, you're burning up. I have to remove some of your clothes. Your body temperature is way above normal." She moved to take off his coat. She gulped as she made to unbutton his short, which would leave him bare-chested.  
His fingers fumbled weakly with hers. "No Dora," he whispered.  
"If I don't you'll faint again Remus, you're so weak," she felt her voice catch.  
His eyes became wide and innocent. He nodded. Never breaking eye contact she unbuttoned the brown shirt. His skin on his lean torso was pale with a patch of soft hair on his chest. His eyes closed as he eyes took in the many scars. They latticed across his arms and torso, some still open, others looked years old. A deep slit lay open down his side.  
She heard her own soft intake of breath. His eyes opened, looking sharply into hers, for what? Pity? Disgust?  
"_Accio_," she said pointing her wand at the door. In floated a large jug of ice water, a cup and a flannel. She poured him a drink.  
"Here," she said softly, handing it to him.  
"Thank you," he whispered back. His weak arms could barely lift the glass, so she raised it to his lips. He drank deeply.  
She then took the flannel, soaked it in ice water and began dabbing his forehead.  
"Thank you," he whispered again.  
"What's happened to you Remus?" She whispered again, her throat ached and she tried to swallow.  
She used her other hand to push back his hair from his forehead. It felt wonderful beneath her fingertips.  
"Last transformation, left me with lots of cuts. They seem to be taking my strength. I didn't know what to do, thought they'd heal themselves, so I left them," he whispered.  
"I'll get Molly to fix you up when she comes back. Just try to sleep now. It will be ok," she was finding it harder and harder to form words as she looked down at him. As he tipped his head back and closed his eyes, he looked to alone. Her heart ached. Every month he went through this and he never tells anyone how hard it is for him, how much it hurts him. He silently bears it, because he must.  
She shifted his pillows as hot tears spilled over. She wiped them quickly with the back of her hand.

**Thank you for all your reviews, I am always pleasantly surprised by them :)**


	8. Chapter 8

A slivery body crept slowly over the window sill, silent as if riding the breeze. It fell onto the floor of Tonks' bedroom. The proud head of the Lynx cat fixed its eyes on her. A soft glow emitted from the animal as it sat patiently.

She raised her head sleepily and yelped as she grabbed her quilt to cover herself. The cat's posture remained serious before it spoke.  
"_Arthur has been injured on guard duty. You and Alastor are to return to Headquarters to take Weasley family and Harry Potter to St Mungo's."_ As the resonating voice melted into silence, it's silver substance seeped through the floor boards.

Arthur. Oh Arthur. Mr Weasley's beaming face as he examined a muggle plug swum into her mind's eye. Her stomach filled with bile. How could lovely Mr Weasley be hurt, what kind of person could possible want to cause him pain?

She threw off her quilt quickly and rushed around the messy room trying to dress herself. The worry in her chest began creating a bigger pressure as her mind worked on overload. Arthur was guarding the weapon, that meant that whoever attacked him must have been sent by You-Know-Who. Or maybe it was You-Know-Who himself, although surely he would not complete this task himself, when there were others who were more than welcome to do his bidding. Oh, and Molly, what a mess she would be in without him. But he will survive, he must, Kingsley's patronus had just said injured, surely if it was life threatening he would have told her. Unless he didn't want to frighten her . . .

Arthur would be fine, and so would everyone else. The Order would pull through, she couldn't bear to lose any of them. They'd given her the chance to prove herself, beyond her wildest dreams, trusted her, expected things of her. Welcomed her. Made her laugh, made sure she was happy. She would do everything she could to preserve the laughter-filled nights at Grimmauld Place, surrounded by her favourite people in the world.

She met Mrs Weasley, her children and Harry outside Headquarters and escorted them by train to the department store called Purge & Dowse Ltd. She was glad to see that Mrs Weasley was bravely holding herself together for her children, but up close Tonks could see the lines of worry under her blues eyes. She could see her casting furtive glances at Harry, who looked very distant.

Along with Mad Eye, they made it to the _Dai Llewellyn Ward: Serious Bites_. Seeing Mr Weasley propped up on a few pillows made a hot balloon of air fill inside her. Her happy place was secure for a while longer. She turned away smiling as Molly was reunited with Arthur, and each of the red heads went forward to see their father.

She found she had to stray her eyes from his broken body as it set her on edge. A sudden need to protect everyone she loved. To gather them close and keep them safe. But they were all so far away, she couldn't stretch over them all. Molly was standing close, her shoulders rising and falling with every breath. She wanted more than anything for Molly to turn and hug Tonks. Just envelop her in her motherly arms and tell her everyone would be ok. That Mad Eye wouldn't lose anymore limbs, Sirius would stay safe, and Remus wouldn't feel any more pain. For her to convince Tonks that she was being pessimistic when she dreamt of flashes of green and the screams of people she loved. Lie to her. Lie to her to banish the fear.

She turned her head slowly. But lying wouldn't help, in the end it will make it worse. Living blindly in blissful ignorance. What would Remus say? If he knew how weak she was inside, how emotionally unstable she was when it came to people she cared about. Weaknesses were small cracks that could be blasted open by enemies.

After she said her goodbyes, she stumbled out of the hospital and apparated home. She appeared under the usual bus stop she appeared under. A figure outside her house caught her attention. With alarm she noticed the cloaked figure was peeking through the window of her small house. Death Eater. She withdrew her wand from the folds of her cloak and pointed it straight at the mysterious figure. She walked forward slowly her hand steady as a rock. She silently approached the figure. She pressed the point of her wand into his or hers back.  
'Turn around,' she said in her most commanding voice.  
The figure slowly pivoted until she was face to face with a black hood. She was subconsciously holding her breath as the figure lifted its hand to throw back the hood.

It was Remus. She pointed the wand hard into his chest.  
'What colour did my hair turn when we were talking about if you were a metamorphagus?' She whispered quickly.  
'My hair colour,' he said back.

She lowered her wand. 'What are you doing here?'  
'I just heard about Arthur, I didn't want to come barging in while he has guests. So I thought I'd catch you when you were at home, so I could find out how he is.' She saw his eyes run over her face. 'You look tired.'  
'I am,' she replied. 'Do you want to come in for a cuppa?'  
'I'd love one,' he said back. There was silence as she retrieved her key.  
'Thank you,' he said as she held the door open for him.  
She waved her wand and the empty bottles of wine, magazines and scarves disappeared from the sofa. 'Take a seat, make yourself comfy.'  
She walked into the kitchen to get the cups. She was suddenly distinctly aware that Remus Lupin was sitting on her sofa. The last time she'd seen him, he was naked from the waist up and almost unconscious. She blushed slightly at the memory of his lean torso. She was surprised to see him again so soon after, she imagined him trying to avoid her after what she imagined was a highly awkward and embarrassing experience for him.  
'Do you need any help?' A hoarse voice came from the next room.  
'I'm fine thanks, just be a minute.'  
She set the steaming cups onto a tray with a few biscuits and carried them in. She found Remus examining a picture frame. She sat down next to him.  
'Is this you?' He said tilting the picture in her direction. Inside the green frame was a picture of a young girl with bright orange hair sitting on her father's knee, he was blowing raspberries into her hair and she was giggling at the camera. Remus was looking down at the small girl with eyes filled with amusement.  
'Yes, how did you guess?' She said sarcastically, giving him a small smile. 'He's a muggle, you know.' She said gesturing to her father in the photo.  
'Ah yes, your mother made a few family enemies when she married Ted didn't she? You have his smile you know.'  
Then a small silence. They had both leant back against the back of the sofa and the silence charged the air around her once again. She felt immobile as sparks flew through her veins. She felt his eyes on her and she looked at him. He was smiling so gently at her, his eyes soft and liquid.  
'I never thanked you properly for getting me back to Headquarters and looking after me. You probably saved my life, getting me to cool down and Molly's skill at healing. I knew I was in capable hands, all worry left me.'  
She tried to smile, but she could suddenly see every brown eyes lash above his chocolate eyes, as he blinked slowly. His eyes still upon her, warm and filled with gratitude. Her breathing slowed shockingly and every pump of her heart racked her body. A happiness began seeping through, just his presence brought on a rush. She could see the stubble on his cheeks where he hadn't shaved this morning, his velvet hair brushing his ears. She could see polite interest at her silence entering his features.  
He really had no idea what he was doing to her.

'It was the least I could do,' she whispered out, 'it wasn't nice to see you so hurt.'  
'I was careless, if I had got it dealt with properly, it wouldn't have got that bad. But enough about me, how was Arthur?'  
'He will be alright, snake bite, pretty bad one. It injected him with some poison or something which is stopping the blood from clotting and the skin healing. But the Healers are working on something for him. I don't know what Molly would have done if he hadn't made it, or any of us.' Her voice wavered. She turned her head towards her cup.

4 cups of tea later Remus got up to leave.

As the door shut behind him, she leant against it, her knees folding as she sank to the ground.

It was getting harder and harder to say goodbye to him.


End file.
